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Photo via bcrumpler. A man from Coventry, England, has Englishman sex banned from any places that may have a slide in them—playgrounds, soft-surface jungle gyms, those grim fairgrounds brought to your town each year by ratty men in bodywarmers, sucking the scum of cowboy roll-ups into their thin, boneless bodies—because Dating sites Horsholm 16 police found him having sex with a slide.

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Being sexy in playgrounds is generally frowned upon and seen as bad. But we live in a country now where the Prime Minister—maybe, possibly, allegedly—put his flaccid undergraduate penis in the mouth of a dead pig. So why can't a man from Coventry fuck a slide?

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Would it be OK if Christopher Johnson had proposed to the slide first, and simulated sex atop it gently in a Budwar suite in a four-star Barbadian hotel? Just to clarify: no, don't fuck slides. It's a literal sex offense.

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